"Share and Learn Together!!"

Two Parrots

This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing: 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?' "
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. You can put them with my two male talking parrots. I taught them to read the bible and pray the rosary."
The lady brings over her parrots and puts them in the priest's cage. "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" they say.
One male parrot looks over at the other and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"


Hey Lady!

A lady is walking down the street to work and she sees a parrot in a pet store. The parrot says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! And she storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really

ugly." Well, she was incredibly ticked now. The next day see saw the same parrot and the parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager said, "That's not good." and promised he wouldn't say it again. When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" and the bird said, "You know."

A Smart Parrot

A young man's mother was now living in Miami Beach and he didn't see her that often. His father was no longer around and he was worried that his mom was lonely. For her birthday, he purchased a rare parrot, trained to speak seven languages. He had a courier deliver the bird to his dear mother. A few days later, he called.

"Ma, what do you think of the bird?"

"The bird was good, but a little tough. I should have cooked it longer."
"You ate the bird? Ma, the bird was very expensive. It spoke seven languages!"
"Oh, excuse me. But, if the bird was so smart, why didn't it say something when I put it in the oven?"

Swearing Parrot

There's this fellow with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you," and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invectives that would make a veteran sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets VERY quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man's out-stretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on." The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

Come In
The mail carrier had a registered letter that needed a signature for a party on his route. Receiving no response to his knock on the front door, he went around to the back door which he found open, except for the screen door. He knocked. A high pitch voice from inside said, "Come in." Upon entering the kitchen, he was confronted by the largest German Shepard he had ever seen. The dog bared his fangs menacingly, forcing the mail man against the wall. The mail man shouted, "Lady, call off you dog before he eats me alive." The only response he got was that same high pitch voice coming from the next room saying, "Come in." Pressing his body against the wall, he slowly worked his way to the door way leading to the next room. Looking around, he saw the room was empty, except for a parrot in a cage. After the threat from the huge dog, he was becoming quite irate and said to the parrot. "Darn you, don't you know any words besides 'Come in?" Without a moments hesitation the parrot responded, "Sic him!!!"


A Rude Parrot

Marilyn had a parrot for a pet, but the parrot would embarrass her whenever she came into the apartment with a man. He would shout all kinds of obscenities, always leading off with "Somebody's gonna get it tonight!" In desperation, Marilyn went to her local pet shop and explained her parrot problem to the pet shop proprietor. "What you need," he said, "is a female parrot too. I don't have one on hand, but I'll order one. Meanwhile, you could borrow this female owl until the female parrot arrives." Marilyn took the owl home and put it near her parrot. It was immediately obvious that the parrot didn't care for the owl. He glared at it. That night, Marilyn wasn't her usual nervous self as she opened the door to bring her gentlemen friend in for a nightcap. Then suddenly she heard the parrot screech and she knew that things hadn't changed. "Somebody's gonna get it tonight! Somebody's gonna get it tonight!" the parrot said.
The owl said, "Who? Who?" And the parrot said, "Not you, you big-eyed Son of a Bitch."

The Parrot and the Magician

A magician on a cruise liner had a parrot, who'd seen all the magician's tricks a jillion times, long ago having figured out how the magician made everything in the act disappear. The parrot got bored, his owner growing stale and not developing any new tricks that the parrot could figure out. One night in the middle of the magician's performance, the ship hit an iceberg and sank. Everyone drowned except the magician and the parrot. The magician managed to swim to a piece of wreckage and climb aboard, immediately collapsing from exhaustion. Soon afterward, the parrot flew to the magician and perched on the edge of the makeshift raft and stared at the magician. And stared. And stared. For a whole day the magician was unconscious, and all this time the parrot didn't take his eyes off him. Eventually the magician started to stir. Looking up, he saw the parrot, still eyeing him intently, not even blinking. Another hour goes by, and finally the parrot squawks, "All right, I give up. What did you do with the ship?"

A lawyer was on vacation in a small farming town. While walking through the streets on a quiet Sunday morning, he came upon a large crowd gathered by the side of the road. Going by instinct, the lawyer figured that there was some sort of auto collision. He was eager to get to the injured parties but couldn't get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim." The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.


Three Questions for Thousand Dollars

A man phones a lawyer and asks, "How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?" The lawyer replies, "A thousand dollars." "A thousand dollars!" exclaims the man. "That's very expensive isn't it?" "It certainly is," says the lawyer. "Now, what's your third question?"

New Bride

The new bride wanted everything to be perfect for the dinner she was hosting for her-in-laws. So she called the roast hotline and said, “I bought a three-kilogram leg of lamb. How long does it need to cook?”. “Just a minute,” said the hotline operator, paging through her reference book. “Thanks!” said the bride as she hung up.

1. Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

3. An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor."Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

4. Last winter I was laid up at home with the flu. My fiancee' called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to me. I declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told me, "Will wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest ofour lives making each other sick!"

5. One day, the Captain of the 40-oared royal barge goes down to speak to the slaves in the hold of his ship. "Men, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, the Queen will be joining us today for a trip up the Nile." The men cheered and rattled their chains. "The bad news is, she wants to go water skiing."

6. Two friends meet each other on the street. "hello! Where are you coming from?" asked Bill. "Oh, don't ask me! I'm coming from the cemetery. I just burried my mother-in-law" replied Sid. "I'm so sorry!" said Bill, "But why is your face schratched all over?". "It wasn't so easy!" said Sid, "She put on a hell of a fight!"

7. When you ask a housewife, accountant, and lawyer what 2+2 is, what do they give you? The housewife says "Four." The accountant says "It's either three or four, let me run it through my spreadsheet again." The lawyer closes the shutters, turns down the lights, and whispers "What do you want it to be?"

P/s: These jokes were taken from the other sources and not originally from the this blog site.TQ

My association with PKKTMC had been a most rewarding experience for me. Right from the start I was fortunate to have contacted two highly motivated Distinguished Toastmasters in Richard Gontusan, DTM and Andrew Thien, DTM. They, along with TM Rokiah Bin Omar, played a major role in the inception of PKKTMC. At times, I was under the impression they were more interested to form the club than myself. Surrounded by such enthusiasm I was forced to move with the flow and together we got it started well before July 2006 term.

After the inception we had our officer training and that was followed by the scheduled bi-weekly training meetings on a regular basis. Concurrently, we took part in a number of Toastmasters competitions and activities organised by Toastmaster clubs in the vicinity of Kota Kinabalu, which had broaden our knowledge in Toastmasters. We also attended their training meetings as and when we can, as part of the training for conducting a meeting professionally. We are grateful for the opportunities opened for us.

Special thanks also go to the following for being our mentors:

Club Sponsor
Past Division K Governor
Richard Albert Gontusan, DTM
Fatimah Yassin, ATMB-AL
Andrew Thien, DTM

Club Mentor
Past Area K7 Governor
John Liew, ACS-CL
Annie Cheng ATMG-CL
Ronald Tang, ACS-CL



Supporters

Dora Danny, ATMB-CL, Shahar Banon, CTM, Ivy Fung, CC, Stanley Joibi, ACS-CL, TM Lea Didadun, Nicholas Chin, ATMB, Willie Chua, CC


Having to leave PKKTMC before the end of term of office was expected due to my retirement. Again, I was lucky to have hand-picked an enthusiastic Vice-president who was all prepared to take charge of things after the initial grooming process. Jason William Vitales, CC had since then performed beyond what was expected of him. Shouldering the responsibilities of the President officially tonight will be a task that comes naturally to him without any hitch.

I look forward with great expectations of better things to come under his leadership. I am confident that his Committee Members and other members of PKKTMC will work closely with him to achieve goals that they have set for themselves. All members should strive for Competent Communicator (CC) status, which will provide the confidence and assurance that they have achieved the minimum standard for communication skill expected of them as lecturers. Through PKKTMC they could go further to improve on their achievements irrespective of the level they are in. As a conclusion I urge all of them to realize their potential and strive to be better.


Charter President
TM Annie Rose Yong

Politeknik Kota Kinabalu Toastmaster

Thank you for giving me privilege to speak a few words on behalf of PKKTMC. I’m standing here because I’ve been given an opportunity by Toastmasters to share with you how wonderful it would be by being part of Toastmasters International Club. If I never made up my mind to step forward, a little bit higher and signing a Toastmasters form 2 years ago, then I wouldn’t be here, at this level. This level doesn’t mean that I am better than you or anyone else, but I’m sure of one thing which is I am much better than myself previously. I still remember the most important reason why I choose to be a Toastmaster is because I want to enhance my communication skills. As we all know, communication is the most important skill in life. We spend most of our working hours communicating. It is a key to our work and social interactions. Good communication can help us create satisfying relationship. Poor communications often result in frustration, being ignored or resented. But Toastmasters has came in ‘3 in 1’ package. I’ve learned the other two extras which is the courage to conquer my nervousness when speaking in public and learn how to be a good leader.

The members of Politeknik Kota Kinabalu Toastmasters Club, hereby also agree to subscribe to the following for mutual benefits:

1.To be pro-active. We volunteer our contributions and we do not belittle others’ contributions.

Politeknik Kota Kinabalu Toastmasters Club (PKKTMC) was chartered on 15th March 2006. PKK TMC is the 1st Toastmaster Club among all Polytechnics in Malaysia which provide venue, and training field that allow lecturers to have in0house training.

PKKTMC have benefited :

i) Lecturer and staff (as member)

a. To enhance their communication skills, listening skills and

able to speak with confidence

b. Allows lecturers to conduct the training in a convenient

time and place.

c. May join other club training meeting which allow PKK staff

get connected to other professions.

ii) Politeknik Kota Kinabalu

a. Get recognized by other toastmasters Club in Division, District as well as the International
level

b. Toastmasters Club training meeting will be guided by experienced Toastmasters from senior
club

iii) Ministry of Higher Learning

a. Align with ministry’s vision to conduct Learning & Teaching in English by 2008


COMPETITION RECORDS

Area K6 Humorous Speech & Evaluation Contests 2006
Humorous Speech – TM Jason William Vitales, TM Annie Rose Yong
Speech Evaluation – TM Jason William Vitales

Area K6 International Speech & Table Topics Contest 2007
Table Topics – TM Jayakumaran Kannen & TM Ahmad Kassim

Area K1 Humorous Speech & Speech Evaluation Contests 2007
Humorous Speech – TM Daily Tayok - 1st Runner-up
Speech Evaluation – TM Cosward Jack

Area K1 International Speech & Table Topics Contest 2008
International Speech - Daily Tayok,CC,CL
Table Topics – TM Jayakumaran Kannen

Area K1 Humorous Speech & Speech Evaluation Contests 2008
Humorous Speech – Daily Tayok,CC,CL - 1st Runner-up

Area K1 International Speech & Table Topics Contest 2009
International Speech – Joan Wang Yee Juen, CC,CL

Service in Division Level
Area K1 Governor
Jason William Vitales,CC, CL (2008 -2009)
EDUCATIONAL & LEADERSHIP ACHIEVERS

Competent Communicator
Jason William Vitales,CC (2006 -2007)
Radat Tasim,CC (2006 -2007)
Daily Tayok, CC (2007 -2008)
Joan Wang Yee Juen,CC (2007 -2008)

Competent Leader
Jason William Vitales,CC (OCL , 2007 -2008) , (CL, 2008 -2009)
Daily Tayok, CC (OCL , 2007 -2008)
Joan Wang Yee Juen, CC (OCL , 2007 -2008)


DISTINGUISHED CLUB PROGRAM (DCP)

2006-2007
Distinguished Club – the club met the membership prerequisite and achieved five or six of the 10 goals.

2007-2008

Select Distinguished Club - the club met the membership prerequisite and achieved seven or eight of the 10 goals.


MEMBERSHIP PROGRAMS

2007-2008 & 2006-2007

Beat the Clock Award – the club added five new, dual or reinstated members during the months of May and June.