Lawyer on Vacation
A lawyer was on vacation in a small farming town. While walking through the streets on a quiet Sunday morning, he came upon a large crowd gathered by the side of the road. Going by instinct, the lawyer figured that there was some sort of auto collision. He was eager to get to the injured parties but couldn't get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim." The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
Three Questions for Thousand Dollars
A man phones a lawyer and asks, "How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?" The lawyer replies, "A thousand dollars." "A thousand dollars!" exclaims the man. "That's very expensive isn't it?" "It certainly is," says the lawyer. "Now, what's your third question?"
New Bride
The new bride wanted everything to be perfect for the dinner she was hosting for her-in-laws. So she called the roast hotline and said, “I bought a three-kilogram leg of lamb. How long does it need to cook?”. “Just a minute,” said the hotline operator, paging through her reference book. “Thanks!” said the bride as she hung up.
1. Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
3. An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor."Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."
4. Last winter I was laid up at home with the flu. My fiancee' called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to me. I declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told me, "Will wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest ofour lives making each other sick!"
5. One day, the Captain of the 40-oared royal barge goes down to speak to the slaves in the hold of his ship. "Men, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, the Queen will be joining us today for a trip up the Nile." The men cheered and rattled their chains. "The bad news is, she wants to go water skiing."
6. Two friends meet each other on the street. "hello! Where are you coming from?" asked Bill. "Oh, don't ask me! I'm coming from the cemetery. I just burried my mother-in-law" replied Sid. "I'm so sorry!" said Bill, "But why is your face schratched all over?". "It wasn't so easy!" said Sid, "She put on a hell of a fight!"
7. When you ask a housewife, accountant, and lawyer what 2+2 is, what do they give you? The housewife says "Four." The accountant says "It's either three or four, let me run it through my spreadsheet again." The lawyer closes the shutters, turns down the lights, and whispers "What do you want it to be?"
P/s: These jokes were taken from the other sources and not originally from the this blog site.TQ